First anxiety and then a spring clean

I haven’t written a blog for a while.  Not because I had nothing to say, far from it, but I just didn’t have time.  Part of this was due to being ill at the start of the year and more recently there has been a Spring Clean at Fox Manor.  Yes, a good old fashioned proper spring clean that included hiring a skip.  Yes, a skip.  And a special uplift.

I don’t write about my anxiety that much, probably because I’m not ready to share much about it but I do have Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD).  I wasa diagnosed in November 2013 but probably suffered it a lot longer than that. Everyone has bouts of anxiety for various reasons but when you have GAD you pretty much have anxiety all the time.  It is hard to explain how it feels.  It’s like your stomach constantly being in knots and nothing will take it away.  Sometimes relaxing is hard, very hard.  It’s frustrating being in situations that I feel I should be relaxing but it doesn’t happen.Anxiety

There’s also the fact that it’s quite possibly here for life.  There is no real cure but people can simply not suffer any more.

It’s absolutely exhausting as well.  Sometimes it just drains me to the point where I need to stop.  Anyone who suffers from GAD or any of the other anxieties will know how it feels.  And sometimes you can’t stop, you have to keep going.

So, at the beginning of the year that done me in.  I’m coping with it well at the moment, “managing” as it’s called.  I’m still anxious all the time but getting on with life at the same time.  So fingers crossed this spell of managing it lasts for a good length of time.  Optimism!

Trying to slip seamlessly from anxiety to spring cleaning was never going to happen so this sentence is telling you that I’m now going to talk about The Spring Clean.

Somewhere along the line of time someone started the notion of spring cleaning.  Gutting the house and tidying up.  Yes, well, this year I decided to go for the full on spring clean.  It had to be brutal, very brutal.  So brutal a skip was needed for the black bags and a few other things.full skip

Charities shops have benefitted from it well.  Books, clothes and various other things went there.  Huge amounts of clothes into the bin because they weren’t fit for purpose.  This actually surprised me.  Every couple of years I have what I call “a brutal clear out” of my clothes so I thought I had pretty much whittled down my clothes to what I actually wore.  No.  So that was sorted out.

Shoes, boots and handbags! Never knew I had so many.  Not any more though, they’ve either gone to charity or in the bin.  I think I’ve got one handbag left.  Although there is a wardrobe I haven’t tackled yet…

What’s a spring clean if you don’t decide to throw out some furniture? It’s a spring clean best avoided.  This year a bed, a mattress and two sofas went out and in came new sofas (reclining as well – HIGHLY recommend it!) and a sofa bed.  Out went the old telly, in came the new one.  So big it almost feels like I’m on the holodeck on the Starship Enterprise (so currently I’m on a tennis court in Miami).

I’ve never been so knackered in all my life.  The majority of the work was done in two days, my two days off, and on the third day off (annual leave) I did very little other than collect my replacement laptop.

So it was a lot of up and down stairs with black bags and various bits of other things.  I think the best(!) bit was humping two heavy sofas down stairs and round to the back garden with my dad.  If anything else it was a laugh.

to me to you

To me, to you

Is it over? No.  Tomorrow sees the re-enactment of the Chuckle Brothers to me, to you with my dad and myself having to humph everything to the street for collection.  Then it’ll finally be over.  Next big spring clean? Whenever Halley’s Comet is next due…

 

4 Comments

  1. CuttySarc says:

    As for anxiety, it’s a major feature of my bipolar depression. Early morning anxiety attacks use to be the real killer, but since I lost my job mild anxiety has become pretty “general”.

    • Gemma says:

      Strangely I’m better in the morning and worse in the afternoon/evening. I hope you didn’t lose your job because of your illness.

      • CuttySarc says:

        Yeah, I did. My condition caused and was exacerbated by self-medication (booze) and general bad behaviour. Given the bipolarity, the “good” times were sometimes even more destructive than the bad. To be fair to the employer, they sacked me for cause and eventually rejected my defence – I didn’t use medical evidence until the appeal, then they quickly offered me a decent retirement package and deleted the dismissal from the record. Which pleased me … I suppose.

  2. CuttySarc says:

    Spring clean? I’m having difficulty with the word “clean” – I dimly remember it from an earlier existence. This year the house remains a tip, a candidate for some realityTV prog involving public health and hygiene services. I may still have a clean Hibs top somewhere but damned if I know where – perhaps under some festering mound of assorted crap. If I look for it I might also find my mobile phone. But I can’t be bothered quite yet. It is safer – and very pleasant on a lovely spring day like today – to go out in the garden, where I have been avoiding the spring clean this year by creating a rose garden and adjacent wildflower areas in Dad’s former veggie patch, which was a jungle for four years. The joys of spring.

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