Author Archives for Gemma

About Gemma

Football fan absolutely daft on Hibernian and Liverpool and big fan of Barcelona. Love writing about football but also many other topics as well. Local news, world wide news and write opinion articles as well. Live and love life. :)

Anxiety doesn’t always run your life

I haven’t written much about my Anxiety of late and this is because, strangely, it’s not been a big part of my life lately.

It seems strange saying that after nearly two years of it ruling my life but that’s where I am at the moment.  I think about it a lot but it doesn’t command me as much as it did just a few weeks ago.

I do wonder why this is and I think it’s because I have learned to live with it a bit more.  I have been in some horrible situations and it hasn’t flared up like it could have.  I am coping with it better.  I am telling myself that if it comes I have to work through it.

I don’t forget the times when it crippled me so much that I couldn’t leave my bed never mind my house. In fact, these are the times that keep me going, that remind me how much I have improved and how hard I have fought to live my life again.

I am working full time in my job, I have a busy social life, I am studying both in work and out.  I can go most places without having to take extra medications.  I am doing things for myself again.  I am problem solving.

Problem solving might seem like a strange one but when you are suffering so badly from Anxiety then your brain doesn’t work and anyone reading this who suffers or has suffered from Anxiety will understand that.  You don’t want to think about things.  You don’t want to try and find answers to issues.  You just want it all to go away.  You don’t want to think.  It doesn’t matter if it’s deciding what’s for tea or paying off a debt, when you suffer from Anxiety you just want someone else to make the decision.  To take control.  You don’t want to know about it.  You just don’t want to be the person who everyone is looking at to decide.

I am currently in the process of trying to find a new place to live.  I have also just been through a huge emotional time.  When going through that emotional period, and it’s still ongoing, I was expecting the Anxiety to flare up and floor me.  It hasn’t.  I don’t think this is down to any medication, because I haven’t been taking anything extra, I simply think it’s just me coping better and also knowing how to cope.  Rather than taking it as a knock on life, using it to make me a person who can cope with problems.

As for moving house.  While it has my head spinning it hasn’t made me overly Anxious.  It hasn’t caused me a panic attack and I am about to go for attempt number three on a property I want yet I am very in control of myself.

I don’t put this down to medications.  I have been on the same meds since December 2014, the same dose, the lot and for nine months they didn’t really help me.  Yet…I don’t want to come off them.

In recent months I have got back into work.  I am not having plunging Anxiety attacks.  I have began socialising again.  My football buddies mean so much to me.  Having a laugh at the football means so much to me and people who I don’t know other than being from the football have such a huge importance in my life.  I have picked up a course I wanted to do.  I have decided to move house.  My life is moving on and that damned nine months which brought me down is in the past, finally.

I rarely take my “as required” medications.  Lucky that as my GP surgery has taken me off one without discussion about it.  Yet my surgery has kittens about me requesting another drug, not for Anxiety, because they haven’t seen me in a month but that drug is not as important as the one they have taken me off without discussion.  Don’t get me started on the NHS in Scotland.  That’s a whole other blog!

I’m not daft though.  I know this is a good time and I am coping well with tough and stressful situations. I also know that this can change in a literal snap of the fingers. In a weeks time I could be in my bed crippled and unable to get out, that’s the nature of Anxiety.

Feeling Good at Easter Road


Finally thawed out enough to try typing so here’s my thoughts on Saturday’s game at Easter Road versus Queen of the South.

Queen of the South have not had the start to the season they would have preferred and are currently floating about in the middle of the table with five wins, five losses and three draws.  On paper it should be an easy win but Hibs never take anything for granted and ran out onto the pitch to make sure the three points were ours. Continue reading

Santa Forgot

This is the fantastic video from Alzheimer’s Research UK.  It centres around Santa having Alzheimers himself and not longer remembers what he does and how special he is to so many people.

My own Nana died from Alzheimer’s and I know of so many more who have too.  If you can afford it then please donate, if you can’t then sharing this helps more than you will know.

There is a cure for Alzheimer’s, it’s just not been found yet.  It’s there and we will find it.

Everyone is important to the research and fight to stop this disease.  Those who wear the white coats and spend their days testing drugs and analysing data.  Those who suffer from it.  Those who campaign to raise awareness.  Those who donate. Those who share every chance to get the message out to people.  Everyone is involved.

Put it in the NET! And Bring Back Hendo…

Finally escaped to write this.

So, Saturday afternoon brought us Falkirk at Easter Road.  Despite Falkirk forgetting how to play football it was never going to to be a match-up to take lightly.

Falkirk are further down the league that they would want to be at this point in the season but it’s easy to see why.  For one I think they’ve had secret coaching sessions with Terry B****** on how to play Hoofball along with a few attempts at Head Tennis.  Houston seems to have lost the plot with this seasons Falkirk squad.  His problem though.

Ours is that we can’t get the ball in the back of the net.  Not consistently.  Saturday was very much testament to that.  With 18 corners and numerous other chanced it’s beyond me why were didn’t have a few on the scoreboard before half time.

Part of it is that Falkirk played defensive right from the kick off.  They weren’t playing to win, they were playing to not lose it, there is a difference.  They just tightened up even more after Taiwo was sent off for his insane two footed tackle on John McGinn leaving them with ten men from 23 minutes onwards.

When Hibs play football we play football.  We’re classy and we can tear through teams when we really want to and we did in parts on Saturday afternoon.  Some respect must be given to the Bairns ‘keeper Danny Rogers.  He pulled off a few decent saves that did deny us goals.

Yet something is just not right.

Grant Holt is fast becoming one of my favourite players.  His effort is amazing.  He put up with a lot today, a few fouls on him that the referee and lino’s seemed to have missed as if they were watching the other channel.

The game was feisty which wasn’t a problem at all, Hibs and Falkirk were close rivals all last season and it shouldn’t be a shock that it would remain the same this season.  Stubbs may be gone but Houston won’t have forgotten the jibes last season.  Beating Hibs on Saturday would have made his shiny bald head beam with happiness.

However, to win you need goals and Hibs ‘keeper Ross Laidlaw was a mere spectator for the majority of the game.  While Hibs didn’t score any more goals than Falkirk we did create many more chances and Danny Rogers goalmouth was a busy one.  Aside from Falkirk’s goal (and no, Marciano wouldn’t have saved it either) the groundskeepers would be happy enough that both ends only dealt with forty-five minutes of action.

We played well on Saturday, I would think that there would be very few people who would disagree with that.  The team have gelled.  There were a few loose passes but they looked like they were small communication issues rather than anything major going on.  We tried to play our football game but as soon as Falkirk got on the ball they just hoofed it about until we took it off them again.  Frustrating.

Frustration might be the word of the game.  Almost 100% effort for the entire match from the whole team, including the subs, and we just end up with a point.  It’s the story of Hibs and not just limited to this season.

How many times must we sit and watch a player who could take a shot then pass it out wide? Set play nonsense.  TAKE THE BLOODY SHOT! If you keep battering it in then you batter the defence, yet we seem to be running up, creating mayhem then dampening it down by passing out (almost literally!) and letting the opposition regroup.  Or, in Falkirks case, just group!

MOTM Darren McGregor has really proved himself in recent weeks.  On Saturday he was all over Falkirks apparent lone striker.  They started with a 4-4-2 with Baird and Miller upfront but they were generally called back to muck in with defensive duties.

El Capitano was a little off his game on Saturday.  Nothing major and he worked hard but there was something amiss from Sir David’s game.  Temporary I am sure.

I’m still not sure why JC is not getting a start.  Our top scorer and no one is showing any signs of wanting topple him from that.  Nineteen minutes at the end of a game isn’t enough for him.  He’s not being allowed to build up a strike force with anyone.  Jason needs fed.  He won’t pick up a ball at the halfway line and run with it, he needs service.  Probably more service than other strikers but he does need it.  Jason will score if Jason is given the right build up.

Can’t fault the team as a whole.  I’ve seen Lewis Stevenson questioned in the aftermath of the match yet Falkirk generally forgot about him for most of the match and he loomed around unmarked, especially in the second half.  Fonts didn’t have the game I would have thought he had but I would imagine he knows that.

I still think we’re missing Liam Henderson.  Probably my favourite on loan player of recent years.  He played his heart out for Hibs.  No one could deny his spirit and his love for a club he was only sent to in order to gain experience.  He became a hero with Hibs and if he never does anything else in his career then he was part of the Time For Heroes team.  He’ll never be forgotten for that.  And guess what? He wants to come back.  Get working on it Hibs.  If there’s one thing we know about Hendo it’s that he knows how to deliver.


Sorry Saturday at Easter Road

First of all, before I continue with this blog, I am a huge Hibernian supporter.  Big, huge.  I stick with them through thick and thin and that’s why I’ll be with them this season, next season, the season after and beyond.  If they don’t go up this season I will be mightily disappointed and angry but I’ll support them even more.  We could drop leagues and I will support them forever more. I love the club and they have got me through some very hard times.  As supporters we can do that and we also have the right to express our opinions on what is going on with the club good or bad and we are no more a supporter or less of a supporter for doing that.  We pay our money and we have our expectations and when the club doesn’t live up to our expectations we have a right to an opinion on that.  As a group of supporters we will agree with each other on the path the club is taking and we will disagree and that is fine but no one’s opinion is pointless.

On Saturday 4,392 people turned up at Easter Road to watch Hibernian take on St Mirren for a place in the IRN BRU Challenger Cup Quarter Finals.  Not an easy game, that’s for sure.  I’ve written before about how any team that comes to Easter Road will turn it on to beat us and that’s some of what happened on Saturday.

Lennon left Jason on the bench, Lewis Stevenson was there with him along with Brian Graham and Neil Eardley.  The chosen eleven left me scratching my head well before the game started.  Pleased to see Alex Harris getting a start though.

Before I carry on, it’s always been my belief that in football the aim of the game is to score goals and win games.  To win any trophy that’s available whether it be the Holy Grail of cups or something considered a “diddy” cup.  The aim of the game is to win.  So when it’s suggested to me that cups games can be lost in order to go after the main mission then I pretty much have a problem.  In football you go into EVERY game to win it or you might as well not bother.

Moments into the game on Saturday it was clear this was going to be a terrible game.  Hibs had little life in them.  Absolutely nothing going on.  Passing was awful for the most part.  There seems to have been some re-introduction of the Hoof Ball that Stubbs had stamped out of us.  There seems to be a collective memory loss of why the game is called FOOTball.  It’s played with the foot and the ball is kicked.  It seemed, on Saturday, that the aim of the game was to keep the ball in the air.  Well, if that was the aim of game it would be called Headball.

The trouble with high balls is that the result is fifty/fifty.  It’s not a precision pass and at the moment Hibs don’t have the ability to be in favour of collecting the ball, controlling it and make it work.  Yes, they might win it but just head it off for another fifty/fifty and hey ho boring football.

Lennon changed the shape of the team yet it was only when we went back to the diamond we scored.  Alex Harris popped it in to put us ahead.  Alex Harris who has changed as a player.  He’s full of confidence and if he’d had a team around him that wanted to win we might even have done it.  Man of the Match was Alex Harris and I agree with that, with Fraser Fyvie not far behind him.

Keatings, McGregor, Forster all had their moments, McGeouch has lost something, not sure what it is.  Just not as effective as he used to be.  Confidence loss? Who knows.  Shinnie was never in it. Hanlon was just there. Boyle got a start and he put the effort in.  Grey…really good in the first half but dropped off.  Second half he was just there and Marciano, like his opposite, Langfield, was mostly a spectator.  I will say, there is always a great feeling watching David Grey bombing up the wing.  He is a player who more than deserves his place in the team.  He’s a worthy Captain and that is not just based on the Scottish Cup win.  That’s based on watching Hibs week in and week out.  He is a positive for the team.

I would question Lennon’s choice of not putting Lewis Stevenson in the team.  Was this because of his ban? (He can’t say he was resting him as he’s aleady had a rest). Was it because Lennon thinks he shouldn’t expect to start every week? We’ll never know really because Lennon will never tell us.  Stevenson is a work horse.  To omit him from the team for any reason other than injury is ridiculous.  This is the boy known as Mr Hibs.  He gives 100% all the time.  He has his off moments, that’s not unusual in this team, but he’s committed and to see him languishing on the bench on Saturday seemed wrong.  Very, very wrong.

We don’t appear to be doing much on the pitch at the moment other than lumping the ball around.  We’re not creating chances and we’re pretty poor defensively.

While Hibs didn’t do themselves any favours in the game the officials were diabolical.  It’s about time the SFA looked at their officials and realised that they are just not up to scratch.  With few exceptions the officials that officiate games in league and cups are far beyond par.  The offside rule appears to evade them when it is actually offside and then appears out the blue when it’s not needed. So called “assistant referees” are no such thing.  It is beyond me how Willie Collum gets plaudits and is employed to referee outside the SPFL.  He shouldn’t be in charge of managing a line to a KFC counter never mind a football match.  The best shout from the crowd I heard today was “linesman, do you want me to Google the offside rule for you?”

So Saturday was not a great day for us Hibees, that is true.  From reading around a few pages I see that Lennon is starting to be questioned as manager.  I would agree that some of his decisions regarding the team of late have been disagreeable and watching the team on Saturday I feel like I am not watching Hibs at the moment.  Not the Hibs I have seen over the past couple of seasons, the Hibs filled with passion and confidence.  We had a really good start to the season but it’s tailed away.  Is it just a blip? It may well be but it’s our blips that have done us in before.

Speaking to Hibs TV on Saturday, Neil Lennon said;

“I don’t know what’s going through the players’ minds at the minute, we’re just making games easier for the opposition.”

I don’t like those words.  He should know what’s in their minds, he spends a huge part of the week with them.  He’s in the changing room with them before a game.  He should know what frame of mind his players are in.  If there’s something wrong, he should know about it.  He’s their manager so it’s his job to know and if he doesn’t, why? Is there no communication going on? If he doesn’t know what going through their minds then he’d pretty much find out and fast.

However, he is our manager and therefore we support him for the time being and hopefully he can manage to lift us out this slump we’re in.  This season was never going to be easy and we’ve a lot of hard work ahead of us.




When Exuberance Won…

Sigh.  Another day and another “woe is me” statement from Ibrox.  Poor old (new) Rangers.  What on earth did they do to deserve such a tough run of luck? No one there can understand it.  They got beaten in the Scottish Cup Final on May 21st when it was their right to win it.  Every player and official was assaulted on the pitch when a vicious Hibernian crowd ran on to the pitch intent on causing as much violence and desruction as possible.  Everything that has happened to Rangers since has been Hibernian’s fault. Continue reading

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